June 5, 2011

Re-bloging another blog!

Read this on a fellow blog and wanted to share.....  So true!

Parents. It’s not cool to put down your kids. It’s not funny. And it certainly doesn’t improve your relationship with your kids or change any issues that are bothering you.
Yup. Parenting can be hard sometimes. It can be annoying to find an unflushed toilet for the umpteenth time or smelly socks left in the living room. Kids can be dirty and stinky. They can be sassy and irritable and challenging and ungrateful. It’s true.
And you know what? So can we!
Do you want someone to publicly complain about you?
Tell me what it accomplishes to get into mom groups and complain about our kids?
What does it accomplish to devote full blog posts that get published on popular mom sites that rant about the myriad of things that you detest about your kids? The token, “But I still love them and wouldn’t change a thing” thrown in at the end does not suddenly make it all OK that you just publicly ripped apart your kids.
Gotta be great to be a kid who has parents who talk about “surviving” parenthood and the hardships of raising kids. You think they laugh it off like you do believing deep down, “Mom and Dad love me and wouldn’t change a thing?”
I’ll admit that I’ve jokingly said to my husband, “These kids are crampin’ our style,” as we realize that our plans are complicated because of the kids.
I’ve talked about how my kids can drive me bonkers. I even wrote a post on how my 6-yr-old was possibly possessed by Zuul, servant of Gozer the Gozerian.
I’m not suggesting that we don’t share our struggles. We don’t need to pretend that we’re never bothered or irritated or tired.
We can laugh together and commiserate on occasion.
But let’s be honest. All the whining about our kids is really, ultimately, about us and our own selfishness.
Because they did this, I have to do that.
I can’t do such and such because of them.
They aren’t listening to me.
I’m disrespected by them.
They make life difficult for me.
Yeah, we can feel better about ourselves when we put down our kids to other parents. We can justify it as venting. We bond with each other sharing our perceived horror stories.
And then we wonder why we don’t experience the family bliss some purport is possible. When we focus on the negative the positive gets lost even if it’s there. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that children won’t be affected by what you say about them even if you try not to say those things when they’re around.
So cut it out!
I’m tired of reading blogs and tweets and Facebook posts about how terrible your kids are (ha ha) and thinking it funny and entertaining. Fix the things that aren’t working in your home. Get parenting help if you need it. Stop complaining and take action. Then acknowledge that a large part of the issue is actually YOU, not your kids. Let’s address that.
Instead, lets rave about our kids and how amazing they are. Let’s share with each other how to become better parents. Let’s support each other as we try to get over ourselves and learn to put others before us because I didn’t see the clause in the verse (Romans 12:10 if you’re interested) that said the words applied to everyone except our children.
And then don’t tolerate less from others. Including those people who think they’re giving you a secret handshake when they see you with your kids and say, “You’ve got your hands full.”
If we want kids to respect us and others, let’s show them some respect. Will you join me?

1 comment:

  1. Thanks Rachael. I really appreciate this post - I have been complaining WAY too much lately about Maddi and how grumpy she has been lately when its not even her fault....she's sick, and I am really upset that I (not her) don't have the energy and want to put up with a sick toddler. So THANK YOU for sharing this.....I might just re-blog myself!x